Standing at the Ready

Standing at the ready.

This may not make a lot of sense to you who aren't from New Orleans, but this little soldier, standing proud in new bright yellow recyclable plastic, may be the single greatest acquisition in my Carnival history...

You see, as the song says... "There ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day." And that goes for just about any other day during the glorious Carnival season. For years I lived about four blocks uptown of this very location. But when you've gotta go, and there's yet more floats to see and more bands to hear, that four block walk just won't do. And, let's face it, taking a leak behind a car or bush in someone's side yard is really the domain of tourists, and is likely to get your butt kicked, even if you were drunk enough to overlook that little tidbit. So, about six years ago, my girlfriend half-jokingly suggested that it might be cool to get a portolet and have it nearby for the parades. I laughed a little bit, but thought about it a bit longer, and did her one better. I had Pot O' Gold ("Pahtagold," if you're a Yat) deliver a potty and I cable-locked the thing to a tree right on the neutral ground (the median, for out-of-towners) near where I was going to be for Carnival parade-watching.

And then the Parades began.

You should have seen the people crawl out of the woodwork. Sure, City of New Orleans puts up their own portolets some hundred yards away, but the lines are horrendous, and after one day, they are generally overflowing, and render odors that no human should be exposed to. So, I couldn't step out after doing my thing without four or five people acosting me to use the restroom. Finally, I got around to saying "you donate a buck to the portolet fee and you get to go." I paid the portolet rental in the first three days.

You know, a portolet is pretty disgusting, and I and others generally steer clear, until you keep it clean, add a light inside, and provide paper towels, good tissue, lysol and hand sanitizer. I even buy a new throwaway carpet mat every year, so it doesn't get all grimy from the feet coming and going off the grass (or the mud, depending on the whims of Mother Nature). If you do that kind of thing, it's downright cozy, as bathrooms go.

Some three years ago, a lady was arrested for charging $5 to pee. So, I stopped letting strangers use the potty, and kept it to the folks from the neighborhood. And it has become something of a focal point during the parade season. All of the neighborhood finds me by looking for that bright yellow john attached to a tree.

And, as you are no doubt aware, every family or neighborhood group has some ladders and at least one cooler. Well, that thing is the perfect size to store six ladders and two coolers. So, my group just brings down supplies (ladders, drinks, snacks, ice, coolers and all) before all the parades start, and they live there in that little portolet until Ash Wednesday, when I sadly show up to clear it out, and put it all away for next year. No muss. No Fuss. Plenty more time to get out to the route and get to what you're there for... To have a good time.

And now, all of my friends, both in and out of town ask me the same thing when they see me. "Say, man, you gonna get that pahtagold again this year?"

Like I said, it sounds kinda strange, but you just gotta come try it.